My Peacefully Chaotic Life

I mentioned on my last post that I didn't want anyone to misunderstand my absence from blogging. I did not want it to appear that my faith in God has been shaken. No, if anything, it is stronger than ever because He has held me up through all of the trials! But I have also worried a bit over another possible misconception. I don't want anyone to have this picture in their minds that my life has been shattered and that the miscarriage is all I think of....that it CONSUMES me. I guess deep down I feel as though if it reached this point that it would be also be a sign of dwindling faith or the questioning of God on my part. But there are things about it that I want to share. While it is always with me, time really does help. In the first days following a miscarriage it is more in the forefront of your mind and heart. But when you are blessed as I am with other responsibilities and concerns, you simply MUST forge ahead. I have a husband who is also grieving. It would not help ...

Hello to all my bloggy friends! I want to thank all of you that have faithfully checked in here for posts and continued to follow. Writing of any sort, even if it's just a little post about your day or your schedule, opens you up and exposes you. When facing trials and grief and I tend to withdraw and close myself off somewhat. I think with everything that has happened I needed a bit of a blog break. But I have really missed it. I think my biggest concern about not blogging was how people that do not know me in real life or perhaps know me and do not see me on a regular basis might perceive my absence. While losing Abigail was certainly a hard hit I don't want anyone to think that it has shaken my faith. Some bloggers like to write only about certain things such as a cooking blog, a Bible study blog, homemaking blog, etc. Well, my approach is a mish--mash of everything in my life. In the course of that, I hope to weave a picture of my walk with the Lord. I would not want my s...

The following was written the week after Abigail Hope was delivered. Well, this week has been a rough one. But, I am here and I can still manage a smile. I'll go ahead and apologize for a long post. I wanted to share Abigail's birth with any of you that might like to read it. Also I thought it might be a story that could help someone else who finds themselves in this situation. It is devastating to go in for a doctor's appt. only to be told there is no heartbeat. That is exactly what happened to us Thursday of last week. I had been through a miscarriage before and never wanted to face that again. In that pregnancy, the baby never developed properly. I had some female problems during that time that made it hard to pinpoint how far along I should have been. But it finally became apparent that something was very wrong. After many weeks I miscarried at home. Since then I have never taken a pregnancy for granted, assuming that it would turn out fine. Faith, yes. Assumptions,...

Sorry I haven't been around so much lately. It isn't that I haven't had anything to blog. I had plenty of posts in my head. But there's been so much happening here. The process of sitting down and getting complete, coherent thoughts typed out was just too much to deal with! When I came home from the hospital we immediately launched into the swine flu with all three younger children. I'm still not sure where they wound up with it. My suspicion is that they picked it up when we were in the doctor's office the previous week with Cornbread. He was diagnosed with pre asthma. Those were some tiring days as I already blogged about. I had a very rough time recovering physically. Then I broke/dislocated my toe. Normally a little funny if it is only a slight break but not when you're already in pain! I feel like I am forgetting some other trial that was thrown in there but with our latest it really isn't any wonder. We had quite the scare with LadyBug last wee...

Do your pets love you? I have a cat that has been with us for 15 years now. She loves us so much that she tries to run out the door any chance she gets lol. Well, yesterday she was successful and made it out the door. I tried to get her but she managed to stay two steps ahead of me, just out of reach, and finally slipped into the underbrush of the woods. I took a look at the thick leaves on the ground, thought of the mild temperatures we had the last couple of days, the critters, slithery in particular, and I thought, "Oh, well, Tinkerbell you are on your own!" Later I went out and hollered, "kitty, kitty" like crazy but was met with nothing but the barking of the neighbor's dogs. Does anyone else feel a little foolish when having to do that? "Heeere Kitty Kitty!!!" at the top of your lungs. Silence. I felt so silly wandering around in the dark calling for this cat! One time our other cat went missing for almost a week and we kept doing that only to ...

I'm sorry for the poor quality of the photo. I wanted to scan it but my scanner is broken. So I took a picture instead so I could share it with you. They are so tiny and sweet!

Abigail Hope was born at 2:30 this afternoon. Thank you everyone for your prayers for us. I can truly say I felt the presence of the Lord with me the entire time. Later I hope I can share with you all the little ways that God expressed Himself in this difficult time. Edited to add: I forgot to tell you but her name means "my father's joy and hope"

Following my doctor visit last week this song just kept running through my mind. Since then I find myself returning to it and singing it, sometimes aloud, sometimes in prayer, and sometimes in my heart. I believe God gave it to me to comfort and strengthen me during this loss. Praise You in This Storm words by Mark Hall/music by Mark Hall and Bernie Herms I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day. But once again, I say amen and it's still raining as the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain, "I'm with you" and as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away. Chorus: And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands for You are who You are no matter where I am and every tear I've cried You hold in your hand You never left my side and though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm I remember when ...

Yesterday I went to my regular doctor's appt. They could not find the baby's heartbeat. Ultrasound showed that for reasons that are simply unknown right now, the baby has died. If I do not deliver on my own by Monday, then I will be induced. We know that God has a purpose in every life, no matter how short. Right now, there are a jumble of feelings. I'm sure the coming days will be no different. We went to my son and told him in person. He came on home as he wants to be here for all of us, particularly FlowerChild, as she leans on him so much. We haven't told the girls yet as we just aren't sure how to handle that at this point. Today in the South the snow is falling and they feel like it is Christmas. I would rather let them have that and watch their delight as they play. It's not important when they find out so much as it is that I find the right way to tell them. I will probably come at it from the direction of a premature birth or that the baby is sick. Th...